Thoughts of a Suicidal Mind - Youth Stories

 I have started to question the meaning of life.

I have started to wonder what the point of it all is.

I sit and wait for life to show me.

To show me why I am here at all.

Why I am meant to still be breathing the same air as everyone else.

Why I am still walking and talking with life in me at all.

Is it all a dream?

Is it all in my head?

Is my life just the thoughts of another person?

So until I find the truth behind these blue eyes…..

I will simply sit and wait.

For life to have meaning once again.  

I see crimson tears flowing through snow covered mountains.

You see blood running from a wrist.

I see silent crystal screams falling from a water fall of pain.

You see tears flowing from puffy red eyes.

I see confusion and a lost soul in a cave of despair.

You see a normal girl with her head down and talking to no one.

No matter how you see the pain it is still there.

I look in the mirror and see a ghost of the person I used to be.

The fake smile never leaving my face.

The laughter is nothing but echoes from my screams.

You see my pain yet never say a word, you stay silent like a winter forest.

I wonder if anyone can hear me, can see me or even care?

I look back at the mirror and see the truth.

So why can’t you?

A Childs Grief... #YouthStories

Its been 2 years now since I lost my dad, it was so hard finding out it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach it was such a big shock, I was a daddy's girl. I was only 14 when he passed away, the first couple of weeks I didn't know what to do with my life but then I started to get there not a day went by where I wouldn't think about him, but then something good happened I found out about my sister being pregnant I was so excited that I was going to be an auntie again, then I found out she was having a girl I was even happier because know I got the perfect nephew and niece in my life, another amazing thing I have in my life is that I have the 2 most beautiful cousins in the world ellie and kyle. When ellie came along I was so happy to have another little baby girl in the family and a couple of weeks later find out that I'm going to be the godmother to that child I couldn't be more happier.
I think of my daddy every day, but mostly on days like birthdays, farther's day and christmas. I do sit there and just think about him and the special memories we've had and how the world and I has lost a wonderful man and how heaven has gained a wonderful man.
Every night just before I go to sleep I look out my bedroom window and there right infront of me sits the brightest star and when I look at that star I know its my daddy wishing me good night, I say to myself that's my beautiful daddy watching over me.
Every night before bed I would  listen to his song by robbie Williams called 'angel' to get me to sleep.
The days I miss him most is when I'm having a down or upset day and just want him here to make me happy and to talk to my daddy he always new how to put a smile on my face. I go to his grave to visit him it does feel weird going there because I know that he is in heaven now and not with us, I feel bad when I don't go to the grave because he's my daddy but when I go there it makes me upset and brings back that day. I go there because it make me happy  knowing I visit him and knowing that grave is nice and tidy.
Life is hard and tuff most days but I know I have to be happy and make life good for my dad as he will be looking down on me and seeing me living life how he thinks I should. I wouldn't of got through these last couple of years if wasn't for the people that cared for me the most, friends and family. The person that helped me the most was my sister. I wouldn't be able to do anything without her.
Love you and miss u with all my heart.
                               
                                                'life's a climb but the views great'.
                            
                                                      R.I.P daddy :'( <3 Xxxx

Youngsters are urged to share their experiences by youth charity (Swindon Advertiser).

Youngsters are urged to share their experiences by youth charity

6:30pm Thursday 8th November 2012 in News By Scott D'Arcy

 

Youth Life Project have launched a Youth Stories Project. From left, are Danielle Brown, Shakira West-Moreland and Nicola Johnson

A YOUTH charity is launching a new project to get young people to tell their stories in a bid to engage with the community.
The Youth Life Project, which was launched in the wake of the riots in London last year, has teamed up with youth website Fixers UK for a project called My Story.
It follows the success of a campaign the Swindon-based charity ran called Youth Stories as a way to provide a channel through which young people can communicate their thoughts, feelings and experiences.

The charity’s founder, Danielle Brown, said the scheme was designed to show what the world is like through the eyes of young people and the ultimate goal was to produce a book of short stories.
She said: “Taking the campaign further with the My Story project, our goal is to put together a book of the stories told, not only young people, but by people of all ages, as we believe childhood experiences can still have an effect on your adult life.
“With its many unique and wide ranging stories it is hoped the book will invoke a range of emotions for the reader.
“But, most of all, we hope this book can make a difference in at least one person’s life.
“It could encourage others to speak out, tell their story, it could bring a sense of empathy to a reader who hasn't been through such experiences in their lives, and it could help bridge the gap between the youth and the old.

“We want this book to have a positive effect in many ways and on many lives and people have the chance to be a part of that.

“Your story can be told in way of a letter, a short story, an artist’s impression, a case study, newspaper article, a comic strip, or a poem -however you best express your feelings, but it must be true.”
Meanwhile, The Youth Life Project is looking for people to run workshops for young people on creatively expressing themselves and are asking musicians, artists, writers and dancers get in touch.
The day of free workshops, including art, street art, writing, music, beauty and more will take place on December 1.
There will also be opportunities for work to be published within a book with help from Fixers. Email nicola@fixers.org.uk.
Email danielletylp@gmail.com with a story or for further information on the project.

Joanna's Story #YouthStories

I’ve always sensed that I was a bit different from other people, like I didn’t quite fit in anywhere. I have made a lot of friends over the years but I do not see them on a regular basis and I often spend most of my time with my family. I worked very hard at school but I was never exceptional at anything. I was a keen dancer but my teachers always commented on my problems with my posture and I was always left in the bottom class, with people much younger than me. At School I got reports for effort but never anything more and I was never picked for school plays or the like. It was the same in P.E. I eventually gave up. When I was about 14 my behaviour became more prevalent. I had a massive party just before starting my exams which wrecked my house and ended up living with my best friend. I did not revise for my GCSE’s and did little of the coursework. I did no coursework for English and did the bare minimum that I could for my other exams. Luckily I had completed a lot of work in year 10 which counted towards my grades.

I didn’t get very good results for my GCSE’s but I managed to get a place in college and I ended up doing the same there. After my first year I decided to resit some GCSE’s and I did better. I then went on to University to study Nursing. However, I became very lonely and was bullied by the people I shared accommodation with and I started to stay in my room most of the time and couldn’t get out of bed. I was also self harming at the time. I ended up going to live back with my mum.

After this I started on a music course after becoming teetotal for almost a year. I struggled with the course because I was painfully shy and I couldn’t perform in front of anyone. This lead to me dropping out of the course, luckily for me I had a great art teacher at the time who took me under his wing and over the next two years, whilst I spent most of my time smoking cannabis and taking ecstasy and cocaine and drinking myself in to a stupor whenever I could, I also managed to get a merit in Foundation Art.

After that I started to get out of control, I regularly was violent to my family I would spend my day on a come down after taking drugs and write all over my bedroom walls. In the end my mum kicked me out and I stayed at a few friends houses. Then I moved to London and started on Access to Higher Education course. I made lots of friends and did really well on the course but I ended up becoming very high and staying up all night writing essays. I then moved to Soho and during this time I put myself in some really dangerous situations. I used to go out drinking on my own and end up with strangers and I’d have to figure out a way of getting rid of them before they demanded sex off of me. I finally had enough and in a moment of desperation threw my TV out the window of my flat and cut my arms open and my flat mate called the police who wrestled me to the floor and forced me go to hospital.

All of this behaviour was caused by the fact that I have bi-polar disorder, sometimes called manic depression. I have to take medication daily to keep my moods stable. I was only diagnosed once I had been sectioned under the mental health act in 2011. I sometimes feel embarrassed when I tell people because I think they might judge me as being crazy but I also want to raise awareness. I am more vulnerable I suppose but I don’t consider myself to be a danger to anyone.

I feel lucky to be me now. I’m intelligent and thoughtful and care about the people around me and the world that I live in and I’ve become a lot stronger because of the things I have been through. I also have a beautiful little boy, the best family anyone could wish for and a happy life. So I guess the moral of my tale is when faced with troubles keep on going, because there is a purpose to it all and there will always be better times.